*Talking to Oneself?

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Ceal
Posts: 123
Joined: 24 Jan 2009, 17:46

*Talking to Oneself?

Post by Ceal » 08 Jul 2017, 19:23

Gilder sat in an empty field, the wind blowing the blades of grass towards the southern sea, which was faintly visible from the hill that he was resting on. The night sky was filled with stars and the moon was at a waning crescent. The human's knees were brought in close to his body as he sat in a crouched position while just staring at the sky above, a face devoid of any visible emotion whether it be good or bad. The two blades that Gilder normally wore at each respective hip were dug into the ground a few meters to his left - there was no place for them on his person in such a peaceful plain of existence.

[That man, the detective... he's dead, right?] rang out a female's voice nearby.

Looking down from the sky, Gilder looked around the field with confusion, failing to see where the voice was coming from. "Hello? Who's there?" he questioned while taking to his feet, pushing on the ground with his right hand for support to stand. While pushing, the pain of the burn on his hand pierced through his body, causing him to cringe.

[You didn't save him. Can you feel the pain of your failure?] It sang out again like a siren's call from the direction of the southern sea.

Standing at the apex of the hill, Gilder squinted his eyes, trying to see what wasn't there. "I'm not sure what kind of joke this is, but you can fuck off..." he yelled out crudely. There was no response to this, causing Gilder to smirk after waiting for the reply for about a minute. "Ya, that's what I thought, bitch..." he muttered while going to sit down in the grass again. This time, his position was more relaxed, legs stretched out and hands planted firmly behind him as he leaned back to continue his gaze to the sky - discarding the brooding pose he was in earlier, paranoid that somebody was watching him. As he met his eyes to the moon, a glint appeared in the sky like a shooting star... wait... that's getting clos-- AGH!

The glint in the sky rocketed straight down and in between his legs, less than an inch from his crotch. Frozen, stunned, terrified, Gilder just sat there, gritting his teeth as he looked down to find a sword had almost sterilized him. "Who the hell is throwing blades around so casually? If you want a sword fight, come and---" he was silenced by the sword forcefully smashing into his face, bruising his nose.

Losing the calming tone, the voice spoke once again, [The pain of your failure runs a lot deeper than I thought, oh my...] it spoke innocently. At this point, it was obvious that the voice was coming from the sword that just hit him. It also became obvious that this wasn't just some random blade - it was his own blade, one of the two that were previously grounded behind him.

"What the freaking hell? Not cool... what'd I do to you now? Hell, you shouldn't even be personified, what are you doing!?" the human lashed out, grabbing the blade by the hilt and holding it in the air, trying to find its eyes, or mouth, or something. However, it had no defining characteristics of something he had used this ability on. "Alright, what's going on? Do we have beef that we need to hash out?" The blade was silent while Gilder was swinging it around.

[What do you view us as? Tools?] the voice spoke once again, this time from the blade that was still in the ground in their previous location. [Do you even remember where this ability of being able to give your weapons and tools personalities came from?] At this point, Gilder was a bit irritated, so he tossed the sword he was currently holding into the ground where it should have been, next to the other blade, and then sat down, staring at his two blades.

"Well of course I know why I developed this ability... bringing things to life is pretty amazing! Plus it's a good tool for completeing missions with too many targets, or targets that I don't find worthy to deal with myself." Pausing for a moment, Gilder tilts his head. "The hell is this about anyway? I'm trying to sulk over taking an innocent's life... is that why you're here? To bring me from the precipice with a pep talk or something? I'm fine, I'll be fine, it's not like I haven't killed before... I just need time to process, by myself - all I need is a little time alone..."

Holding his hand out, Gilder released his ability of creation that originally manifested the two blades, causing them to fade from existence, and then returned to the apex of the hill once again. After a few minutes, the same voice began to speak out again, again coming from the direction of the sea he was staring at, [Alone. How many times have you thought of yourself alone? Are you sure that's what you really want?] The voice was unwelcomed, but this time, Gilder did not react, he only lowered his head and stared at the grass at his feet. [After all, we both know that's why you trained in the abilities that you did. Creation. Animation. Enchantment... it's a way for you to never truly be alone, isn't it?]

Darting his eyes to the left, Gilder's eyes lowered into a side glare. "Of course it is... but what business is that of yours?" At this point, Gilder knew that he wasn't talking to his blade, or even a female at this point. It was himself, or at least some form of himself, a piece that wasn't exactly welcomed at any point. "I know I create to have things. I animate to have people. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure this crap out. I'm lonely, so what?" Pausing as if giving the chance for the voice to respond, Gilder continues once none is received, "I even know that the personifications that come out of it are all little pieces of myself, so unless all of this has a point, just screw off!"

The wind blew around him, sounding like the earth itself was sighing at Gilder's response. The voice again spoke up, [I'm just trying to--] Gilder swiftly took to his feet and flared his aura, causing the voices to stop. "I don't care what you're trying to do - STOP! This was all evaluated or diagnosed or whatever in my EDF psychological evaluations! You do not get to take me over and you do not get to talk to me through our personifications, is that clear!?" The female's voice went hush and the wind stopped blowing, Gilder's aura still flaring from his rage. Looking around at the silent surroundings, Gilder's energy slowly came under control once again, his body relaxing as he calmed himself. "I need to go see the doctor after this mission with Crescendo is over..." he muttered to himself, closing his eyes as he fell back into the grass. (I still need to figure out what I want to do about him and that female though... this is getting more and more complicated. I should probably just kill them both - the female holds no standing in society, she seems to not side with the authorities, at least. However, I've received no reports of Crescendo running rampant, so maybe the rehabilitation is working a bit. Would he continue on the path should I leave though? Or would it be easier to kill him... how does he value the woman? Or is she just a tool to him? I need to do more personal investigation on this before I make a complete decision.)

Grinning a crazed and slightly evil smile, Gilder opened his eyes and yelled to the sky while his fist was raised to the air, "Time to do some extreme psych tests. I need to come to a conclusion before the end of our next encounter! Hope you're ready for psycho Gilder to come out of the woodworks!"

ikenbon
Posts: 738
Joined: 23 Jan 2009, 00:21

Re: Talking to Oneself?

Post by ikenbon » 10 Jul 2017, 10:32

I think you may have lost sight of the direction you were taking towards the end of this one. The sword that approaches Gilder seems to be implicating his failures and the pain he suffers from is due to his lack of attachments and loneliness but Gilder seems already very aware of this and unconcerned, and if he's unconcerned there's really no reason for your reader to be. We can take this as Gilder simply forewarning the audience about what he intends to do next and some possible foreshadowing to a larger problem in Gilder's schema of the universe but as I said before it just kind of reads like your train of thought was derailed towards the close of the log. Why are the animated objects that are fragments of Gilder speaking up now? What about this particular mission or event is causing enough stress to him for this type of regression to occur? It felt like the build up was due to the life of the innocent man Gilder took, but he seems pretty nonchalant about that:

"The hell is this about anyway? I'm trying to sulk over taking an innocent's life... is that why you're here? To bring me from the precipice with a pep talk or something? I'm fine, I'll be fine, it's not like I haven't killed before... I just need time to process, by myself - all I need is a little time alone..."

Again, the sword implies that Gilder doesn't really want to be alone to process this; that he's hurting and that he needs someone and Gilder of course refuses in his traditional style by yelling and puffing his chest out a bit more. This is all good character development but the ending where he brings up the psych evaluations and going 'psycho' kind of deflates what I feel was the motivation for the story.

Recommendations: If the animated weapons and objects that Gilder creates really are pieces of himself then perhaps the pieces that he's neglecting (guilt/loniliness/shame/regret) should begin to appear more. Maybe he should start losing control of his conjurations as they try to address the issue that he himself is ignoring. Maybe his conjurations even "leave" him entirely (putting him down to a lower RP tier so that Crescendo/Greyfur/Shakendo can interact with him more) until he can confront these feelings.

RPP rewarded

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