*quick repairs and random self banter

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Posts: 6
Joined: 05 May 2017, 21:14

*quick repairs and random self banter

Post by MightyMelesilio » 11 May 2017, 15:49

[CHAT] Melesilio sat in the middle of a field of tall grass, far from the city h
e had been in the previous day. After the small skirmish with whatever that beas
tie was the night before he had gone through the city, 'liberating' the componen
ts needed to repair the damage inflicted to him by that thing and had spent the
rest of the night and well into the morning patching himself up. The minor inter
nal damages fixed easily, he was now working on finishing the repairs to his dam
aged left arm. He sat shirtless, his damaged left arm removed and laying on the
ground infront of him as he made the final adjustments to its synthetic muscular
fibers ( Combat replay log saved..damn bad doggie) grumbling alittle he leane
d closer, making sure to get the gearing ratio right this time, his own internal
schematics flashing infront of his eyes leading him in the self repairs

[CHAT] Melesilio finished making the final adjustments in the repairs to his dam
aged arm, leaning up and dropping the multitool down on his jacket and doing a o
ne armed stretch ( finally..all night and all morning to fix this blasted thing.
.im gonna rip that beasts tongue out and feed it to him when i see him again) h
e picked up his left arm, pressing it against his shoulder and with a rather sic
kening popping sound that echoed through the empty field, reattached it to his f
orm. it took several moments for the internal connections to work their way back
online as his synthetic skin resealed itself over the connection, leaving the f
aintest of rings visible where he had removed the once damaged limb "There we
go! oh that feels soooooo much better!" giggling to himself he ran the arm throu
gh some standard motor function tests, flexing each finger separately then all a
t one, followed by spinning it around to reset it fully in the socket

[CHAT] Melesilio stands in the middle of the field after reattaching his left ar
m, giving it one more good spin he lets out a loud AArrrg! as Another very lou
d, sickening and wet sounding pop occured as the limb fully reset itself in its
socket, causing the android to visible shiver and even let out a slight moan th
at...felt....amazing...... he hugged himself for amoment, swaying and giggling
before shaking his head to regain his senses (no time for that now...) still s
hirtless he leaned down, grabbing a fresh pack of smokes from his now torn up ja
cket, swearing under his breath as he lit it "male bitchdog owes me a new jacket
and shirt..."

(several hours later)

[CHAT] Melesilio sat still in the middle of the field, several hours had passed
since he had finished the repairs on his damaged left arm, though he still remai
ned shirtless as he stared blankly into the distance. His mind was reviewing the
little battle with the strange creature repeatedly, leaning all that he could i
ncase he met the beastie again strange...the way it spoke it was as if it thoug
ht it was in the right...dishing out justice? pah, justice for a life that allow
ed the filth of this world to corrupt them? sighing he pushed the log of the bat
tle to the back of his memory, shaking his head some as he took amoment to remem
ber where he was whoa...I need to not get locked in so deep when analyzing thin
gs.. he mimiced a stretch, arcing his back and pushing himself alittle upwards t
owards the sky oooo that feels goood...mmm

[CHAT] Melesilio fell back into the grass, using his jacket and shirt as a cushi
on for his head while folding his arms over his bare chest (pretty clouds..so pe
aceful out here, away from that city..i think i stay alittle longer here, before
going back..give my mind a break from trying to figure out whats worth protecti
ng and what needs purging..) he reached over and grabbed the pack of smokes, sl
ipping one out and placing it between his lips and rolls it around alittle (such
a nasty habbit, but so many humans do it its an easy way to blend in amongst th
em...and the taste isnt so bad..) smiling alittle he lites the cigg, taking in
a long drag so he could blow several rings out (and thats fun to do to, heehee!)

[CHAT] Melesilio Blew out several more smoke rings, watching them slowly float i
nto the air above him in the grassy field, giving a soft giggle to himself as th
e breeze picked up, moving the tall grass around him against his bare upper body
( why cant everything just be simple like this? those beings of life have to cr
eate so many problems..and make it so damn complicated and hard to solve them by
corrupting themselves beyond rational repair) He stretched again, sitting up l
ong enough to grab a fresh smoke and chain light it off the old one before layin
g down again, taking this peaceful time to let his mind try to blank and not thi
nk..a very difficult task for one such as himself to achieve seeing as how his m
ind was constantly crunching out one simulated scenario to a problem or another
(a blessing and a curse all rolled into one, oh joy! ill just have to think of
something besides the big problems, like what new wardrobe items I should get?)

[CHAT] Melesilio: -- 'well, this may be peaceful but im getting nothing done jus
t lieing around half naked..even if it is nice sighing he forced himself to sta
nd, dropping and putting out the cigg. He reached down, picking up his slightly
torn shirt and putting it back on, followed by his jacket and choker (definitel
y making that beastie buy me new clothes for ruining my shirt and jacket..maybe
give him a few good spanks too for being a bad boy..) he licked his lips and gi
ggled once more, slowly spinning in a circle to take in all of his surroundings
as he thought "now, I wonder which way to go..been that way already, hmm..guess
it really doesnt matter which way I go since I dont know where im going anyways"
he laughs out loud to himself, watching a few birds in the grass take flight be
cause of his sudden outburst, and decides to start walking further into the fore
st after them since he really had no clue where it was he was going'
Magic Missle...oh wait, this aint DnD >.>

Posts: 738
Joined: 23 Jan 2009, 00:21

Re: quick repairs and random self banter

Post by ikenbon » 02 Aug 2017, 09:26

From what I've read so far you have a good understanding of word choice and how to structure your posts, you have plenty of great descriptions and you seem to have a firm concept of who your character is. I might encourage you to consider some of your poses and how frequently you're using them, a lot of them are becoming repetitious (giggling/smoking cigarettes). I also think you should try to develop some kind of antagonist or problem for your character to start working on so that he has a goal. Otherwise, good writing.

I realize this review is several months late, hopefully you will return to DBI and can pick up from where you left off at some point.

RPP rewarded.

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